Marriage Advice
In the Name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful
Happy Marriage – Living with Peace and Harmony at Home
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” [Al-Qur’an 30: 21]
May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony!
Marriage is an institute which can be as firm as a rock or weak as a thread, it is up to the partners to make it either one. We have to learn to be tolerant of each other for the pleasure of Allah.
Marriage is a great Sunnah while divorce is disliked by Allah. It is the responsibility of both husband and wife to give 100% effort to make their marriage successful and their home peaceful and Islamic. At the time of concern and tension in domestic affairs, our advice is to review your life pattern and check to see in how many ways you can come closer to Allah. One who corrects his relationship with Allah, Allah will correct his relationship with the rest of the creation.
Looking for rights or love?
“Do not go by the book of ‘My Rights’. Go by the book of Love, Ihsaan and khidmat. In other words, if every person goes out of his or her way to fulfill the rights of others, instead of demanding his or her own rights, or goes a step further than just fulfillment of rights, i.e. he or she goes out of his or her way to be kind, caring, loving and forgiving, then automatically this world will become a paradise.
The unfortunate part is that the husband opens the chapter of his rights and the wife opens the chapter of her rights. The parents open the chapter of their rights, and the children, of their rights. The teacher, his rights and the pupils, their rights, and then everyone demands fulfillment of these rights.
No doubt, rights have been declared so that no person should stop short of their fulfillment, but you cannot have a peaceful society if there is just demand for rights and no fulfillment of corresponding obligations.”
(Hedyatus Saalikeen, selected quotes by Shaykh Yunus Patel, 1998, South Africa)
Manners and protection of tongue:
From our elders we have learned that the best method and the best du’a to increase the love between the husband and the wife is to obtain great morals and etiquettes and to guard our tongue. By doing both of those, one will be able to attract your spouse into a never ending love. Please review the following article on "Protection of tongue".
Resolving mistrust between husband and wife:
Ask yourself the reason of your spouse's mistrust. You should always reassure your spouse of your love. If this is due to a mistake in the past, then seek to regain the love and confidence by displaying your love, regret (on the mistake), and make commitment to the marriage. Be ever cautious of not repeating the same error that had caused the problem. InshaAllah with your effort and good character, your spouse will feel like doing the same.
Please review the following articles on virtues of Tau’bah (Repentance):
Virtues of good deeds:
Imagine a husband making Du’a for his wife after every Salah: May Allah make her a pious woman! May Allah bless her with wisdom and knowledge of Deen! May Allah accept all good deeds and keep Shaitaan away from her!
Pray Salat-ul-Hajat and Istekhara before making important decisions.
Be punctual in your Salah. Brothers should visit a masjid as often as possible.
Give some Sadaqa on behalf of your spouse.
Increase time for Du’a, especially if you could wake up during the last part of night. Here is a startup script and examples of Dua:
Make a list of Faraidh (obligatory worship like Salah, Zakah, Fasting, Hajj) due on you and try to make up for any deficiencies and missing parts.
Environment of pious people:
Find a pious Shaykh near your area and contact him periodically with intention to acquire the love of Allah Almighty. Listen to lectures and read books on pious husband and wife.
Read books of virtues (for example, Muntakhab Ahadith) with your family for 5-10 minutes every evening.
Bring some gift of Islamic books of virtues, Du’a and zikr for your family to read at home.
If there is a gathering for Taleem (Islamic knowledge to increase faith and good deeds) encourage your family to attend. Your masjid Imam and community may help you find such programs.
Only Allah knows what is beneficial for us. He is All Wise, All Merciful.
May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony! Ameen!
Recommended Readings:
The Status and Rights of a Wife in Islam* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
The Rights of a Husband and his Status* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
*Discourses on Islamic Way of Life volume-2, Darul-Ishaat, Karachi, Pakistan (translation of Islahi Khutbaat, translated by Iqbal Hussain Ansari)
The Rights of Women by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
The Rights of Husband by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
Status of Woman in Islam by Shaykh Ahmed Abdul Mujeeb Qasmi (translated by Muhammad Owais Jafrey)
"Islam is the only religion which has given woman the status in accordance to her nature and determined her rights and duties according to her personality. Islam gave woman that dignity which no other ideology or faith has ever given. This 3-part lecture series talks about the status and role of women in society, removes misconceptions and shows how Islam elevates the status of a daughter, sister, wife and mother."